final_Internal Monologue

Most days, I love my life, and I love being me. Yes, I said ‘most days’.

I account my love to the fact that most times there is this monologue going on in my head, that reads off like a script.

Of course the script is that of the fabulous, fun loving but of course flawed ‘me’. This monologue starts as soon as I wake up, going to work, interacting with the kids and well into the night. The only time it takes a break is while I’m reading a good book. Actually even then it says “and she sits down comfortably to read a book”.

Something that will make me sound even more hatter-like is that I often find myself talking TO my monologue. It goes something like this:
“And she asks herself, ‘Are you ok? Are you handling this? Are you feeling alright?“
The loopiness aside, what I was coming to was, being the protagonist of my own amazing script, it is not very often that I need in my life something that someone else does or has. But, of course, there has been moments. Such as these days I would give a leg and an arm to drop down a few sizes in clothes.

Coming back from my tangent again, there was this particular individual, let’s call her a celebrity of sorts, whom I was admittedly remotely jealous of. And last week I saw this YouTube video of her conversing about something silly and it startled me. It startled me because right then I realized that I had been jealous of this image, this person I had built up in my head, who had NOTHING to do with the actual person she was. I try my best not to judge, but it was sort of obvious that she was not the sort my life would have anything to do with.

I think what I am trying to say is, life is hard enough, and filled with obstacles and judgments, even without us wanting to be someone else, doing something else. Happiness is not out there in the world waiting for us to find it; it is within, in the everyday, staring at us at every turn, we JUST have to GRAB it.

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